Where did it go????

Well the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over.  It has left me with a sort of bitter sweet feeling.  As I get older the time seems to go so much faster.  My kids are growing more and more everyday and it makes me sad and proud at the same time.  We had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas!  As always, we ate too much and the kids got too much.  Of course if it was up to me I'd give them the world.  Spencer stayed home from school today with a tummy ache and a head ache.  I dropped the little two off at school today and they were so excited!  The jumped out of the van and ran toward their classes.  Ella was even more excited than Blake.  As I dropped them off I watched them run up to their friends and it got me thinking about how much other people influence my kids.  Of course as parents we all want to believe that our kids only learn things from us and that they only learn the good things.  It made me think as they ran to greet their friends that it is so important for me as their Mom and Mike as their Dad to be teaching them right from wrong and instilling our faith in them.  I have to say that my proudest moment this whole holiday season was when Ella said "Christmas is about getting presents!" and Blake replied "No, it's not Ella.  It's about Jesus!"  She then replied "Oh yeah, I forgot."  I hope that my kids know how much I love them, but I also hope they know how much I love Jesus.  Which all of this brings me back to the question, "Where did it go????"  Which by "it" I mean time.  I want to make the most of my time since it seems to be moving faster every day!

Don't Make A Living, Make A Life!

So a few years ago our Pastor preached a sermon about living in freedom and living "un-caged".  It was a great sermon, he had this amazing hand out with all these sayings.  I'll list them below:
Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.
Set God size goals.
Pursue God ordained passions.
Don't let fear dictate your decisions.
Don't take the easy way out.
Don't maintain the status quo.
Stop pointing out problems: become part of the solution.
Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.
Expand your horizons.
Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can.
Live today like it is the first day and the last day of your life.
Burn sinful bridges.
Challenge all assumptions.
Blaze new trails.
Quit playing defense.
Quit making excuses.
Don't stop making mistakes.
Don't try to be who you are not.
Don't make a living, make a life.
Don't let what is wrong with you keep you from worshipping what is right with God.

I know that was a little lengthy, but tell me those aren't GREAT!  I hope my children read this for years to come and reflect on these points.  One of those points really stuck with me this morning as I was cleaning up my room and making my bed.  DON'T MAKE A LIVING, MAKE A LIFE!  I'm pretty sure it was God's way of getting me focused on what's important....and here's where the story begins.  So yesterday I picked Spencer up from his friend's house.  It is a beautiful house!  Fabulous floors, beautiful kitchen, blue pool, gorgeous pavers and all perfectly decorated for the season.  I have to admit that I felt a little jealous.  I'm not typically a jealous person, I mean I'm sure we all want what we don't have, but I'm not "overly" jealous.  As I drove Spencer home, I was feeling very insecure.  I felt sad that we couldn't provide that beautiful home for him and the other kids.  Now don't get me wrong, we live in a nice 4 bedroom house with tile floors and a remodeled kitchen, 2 blocks from the ocean. Which brings me back to always wanting what you don't have.  As I drove home I questioned the decisions that Mike and I have made...did we spend too much on this or that?  Should we have invested differently for the kids?  When I got home I pulled into our driveway (we no longer have a garage, we have an Ella, haha!)  I noticed that on my front porch alone was an ATV, 2 bikes, 2 scooters, 2 skateboards, a chair, a pair of roller blades and several pieces of baseball equipment.  So I started to feel even worse about the condition I keep our house in since this other woman's house was SPOTLESS!  As I walked through our front door there on the ground were shoes....lots and lots of shoes.  Everyone kicks their shoes off at the front door.  As I walked through the house stepping on nerf darts and Barbie clothes and kicking bouncy balls I felt even worse.  Now don't get me wrong, our house is in no way dirty at all, just lived in.  So I picked up some toys, made dinner, and went on with our nightly routine.  All the while thinking about Spencer's friends perfect house and perfect life.  So fast forward to this morning when all is quiet in our house and I actually have time to think.  As I'm cleaning up my room and making my bed I notice the water color picture of a house that is taped to my bedroom wall in place of "real" artwork.  Next to it are 2 picture of Smitty and Scott from Disney's Imagination Movers which Blake has colored and tacked to our wall.  As I made my bed I picked up a sippy cup and stinky baby and put them in their places.  Then I moved on the rest of our room and noticed the white board Blake had drug in to practice his cursive writing on, he's so proud!  Ella's "Wanda the Washing Machine" book which I set my coffee on this morning is laid on my desk instead of neatly tucked away in a bookshelf.  Seeing all this was almost like God speaking to me and saying "Courtney, don't wish for things that others have.  Don't make a living, make a life".  I started thinking about this other woman's house and how there was no sign that children even lived in her house.  Her carpet was perfectly white.  I look at my carpet and there are stains from where Ella has spilled something because we were tickling her, or where Blake accidentally drew on the carpet or the table because he was coloring us a picture.  I have a different outlook this morning because of all this.  I don't need pavers and a state of the art kitchen to make me happy.  I need a husband that provides, I need children who love me more than Africa, and more than anything...I need a God who quietly reminds me that I don't need to make a living, I need to make a life!

I want EVERYTHING!

I love all the stages that my kids go through....ok, that's a lie, but I do love 85% of them.  Blake and Ella are in the "Oh Mommy, I want that!" stage.  Every single commercial that they see for a toy they make sure to scream at me and make me run into the room to see the commercial and the new toy that they just can't live without.  Blake has decided this week that the toy that he "really, really, really" wants is a Mickey Mouse train that is designed for 18 month old children.  I tried explaining this to him, but he's just not hearing me.  Ella wants a game called Red Rover and she makes me watch the entire commercial every time she sees it.  This is the first year that I'm getting REALLY excited for Christmas for them.  Michael and Spencer are old enough now that all they want is money or clothes. So shopping for Blake and Ella is super fun!  I've been really missing them being babies, which has made me realize that I need to appreciate every day so much more.  I can't believe how fast the last few years have gone.  I laid down with Spencer the other night and the kid's almost as big as me!  I was snuggling with Blake in his bed last night and it seems like just yesterday that I was laying him down in a crib.  When did he grow up????  I love seeing the two little ones together.  It makes me sooooo glad that they have each other.  Ella cried when I dropped them off at school because Blake jumped out of the van first and didn't wait for her.  She loves her big brother so much and I don't even think she knows it sometimes.  Back to wanting everything...I know that we're not the weathiest people in the world and it usually doesn't bother me, but I love my children so much that when they say "I want...."  it makes me want to buy it, immediately :)

Step Mom????

So this is fairly short, but I HAD to write this down because I never ever ever want to forget this.  I picked the little two up from school today and we went straight to Target to get Halloween costumes.  Blake decided on Iron Man 2 (which doesn't really differ much from his Iron Man 1 costume from last year) and Ella decided on Ariel.  After years and years of her LOVING Ariel I finally got her to pick the Ariel costume....go Mommy!!!  Anyway, after checking out we were on our way home and Ella had gotten in trouble for being bad in Target, which really is nothing new or different.  Blake said "Mommy are you mad at me like you're mad at Ella?"  He hadn't behaved very well either.  I said "No Blake, why?" and he said "Because I was bad, but I worked it all out right?" and I replied, "Yes Blake you are fine and I'm not mad."  Then he says, "Mommy, do I have a step mom?"  Of course I replied, "No, why do you ask?"  He said, "Because I wish I had a step mom, then I could say that you are the best Mommy I ever had!"  It was so cute!!!  He is sooooooo sweet!  On a side note, today was also "walk your child to school day" so I got up VERY early and got the kids ready to walk to school and they had a blast.  I'm so glad I got up even when I didn't feel like it so that I could make a memory and start a new tradition! 

Get off your butt even when you don't feel like it!

So we have a pretty busy day to day life.  Not the busiest, but pretty busy!  Sunday's are usually a crazy day for us because either me or Mike have to be at church by about 8:30am.  This past Sunday I had to be there at 8:30am and I had worked until 1am the night before so I was soooooo tired.  I got up and got ready to go and Ella wanted to go with me early so I got her ready too.  She was so good during band practice.  She sat in on the floor and used the pew for a table and colored us all pictures.  Mike left church a few minutes early because Blake had baseball practice.  So we came home about 1pm and I cooked lunch for everyone and then picked up a half hour of OT at work. I got done working at 2pm. Ella had been asking me since Saturday to take her to the park.  So I had put it off as long as possible (which is the point of this post).  I'm usually not a lazy person, but I was just so tired.  I really just wanted to stick the 2 little ones in front of the TV and go to sleep.  But Ella was insistent on this whole park thing, which is literally 2 blocks from our house.  So we took Michael to work at 3:30pm and came home.  Blake and Ella had decided at this point that they not only wanted to go to the park, but wanted to ride their bikes to the park.  So I caved and off we went.  Mike stayed home to hang out with our friend David.  So we got to the park and the kids were so excited that they managed to ride their bikes and park their bikes at the bike rack.  We spent about and hour and half at the park and during that time they walked through the nature center, colored pictures, played in a sandbox, fed the turtles and played on the playground.  While they were coloring pictures in the nature center the cool air was blowing and I started thinking about how glad I was that I brought them. Blake was coloring his little picture and singing "This is the day that the Lord has made"  It was a moment I hope to never forget.  I was so sad for Mike that he missed it.  Blake's picture got hung in the nature center by the nice lady who works there and he was so happy!  I was so mad at myself for almost not going to do this little thing that made them so happy just because I was tired.  It got me to thinking....  We only get a few years like this with our kids.  We only get a few years for them to snuggle with us in bed, or to eat lunch at their school, or to hold their hands when they walk.  Why in the world would we worry about being tired????  I can be tired when my kids are grown, but for now I choose to be wide awake and enjoy every moment I can.  Because in all reality, how do we really know how long we have with them?  So....get off your butt even when you don't feel like it!!!  Below are the pictures from our trip to the park :)

All I want for Christmas is my 2 front teeth

Ella hit a milestone today...her two front teeth came out.  When Ella was about 2 years old she fell and knocked her two front teeth out.  We had a bridge built and she has had the bridge in her mouth for 3 years.  At her cleaning last month her dentist said it was time for the bridge to come out.  Blake had a routine cleaning appointment this morning so we made Ella's appointment at the same time to have her bridge removed and sealants put on her teeth.  They were both soooooo nervous about going today.  They always cry on the way there and then are happy once we're there.  We have an amazing pediatric dentist.  Trust me, they should be amazing with the amount of money we pay them.  Blake did great and so did Ella. She was so brave.  Ella's hygenist is named Katie and always carries Ella into the dental room.  Katie doesn't work in the othodontics part of the practice but because Ella loves Katie so much they scheduled Katie to just go in the back and sit with Ella to make her more comfortable.  See, I said they were amazing!  I cried when they brought her out and she showed me her toothless grin.  They are all growing up so fast and I just wish I could slow it down, just a little bit.  Here's my baby's toothless grin!

The First Post

So my very oldest friend (years I've know her, not age) started a blog about her son and titled it "So I Don't Forget"  I found it so moving that not only did I decide to create a blog about my kids, but I stole her title too.  Love you Bethany!!!  So I know this first blog will probably be boring to most.  However, I'm not writing this blog for anyone but myself and my kids.  So if you read it and don't like it or are bored by the content....oh well!  I'll start with my youngest and work my way up.

Ella Jean - 6-7-05
You are 5 years old.
You love chocolate milk and stinky baby.
You are STONG WILLED and opinionated, and secretly I love it!
You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever laid eyes on.
You are in Kindergarten.
You love the color pink.
You suck your left thumb.
You always want to wear your hair down, but I never let you because I'm afraid of lice.
Your front 2 teeth are a bridge because you knocked them out when you were 2 years old.
You love The Little Mermaid and Spongebob.
You used to watch Max and Ruby all the time, but I think you're getting too old for them now and it makes me sad.
You scream when you don't get your way.
Most people tell me that I need to discipline you more, but I don't care what most people think.
You are NOT modest at all, you love being naked.
You get super mad when I wash stinky baby because you say she doesn't have your smell anymore.
You love to play outside and get dirty and you cry every time I tell you that it's time to take a shower.
You love oatmeal with syrup in it.
You only drink lactose free milk.
You don't really like meat at all.
You drive me completely and totally insane most days, but I'm still pretty sure that I was waiting for you my whole life.

Blake Christopher Levi - 12-16-03
You are 6 years old.
You love chocolate milk and toast with butter on it.
You are my snuggle bug.
You pick Mommy over Daddy most days...and I love it!
You are so kind and sweet and polite.
You have a double swirly on your head so we have to keep your hair short and you hate getting it cut.
You play baseball and you are REALLY good.
You are in the 1st grade and you make friends so easily.
You have been riding your bike without training wheels for about a year now and it's so cute.
You love Spongebob and River Monsters.
You make goofy faces everytime I try to take a picture.
You love going to Arigato.
You like to color.
You love playing outside.
You say this at least once everyday..."Mommy, I love you more than (fill in the blank)"
You still suck your thumb at bedtime.
You are scared everything, but I think it's a phase.
You loved Spiderman when you were younger.
You like the colors blue and red.
You love watching the Rays play baseball.
You are a great swimmer and you call your mask a "snerkel"
You tell me quite frequently that you're going to snuggle with me til you're 25, which might be creepy :)

Spencer Matthew - 8-4-98
You are 12 years old.
You love the Rays.
You are in 7th grade.
You are SUPER SUPER smart, sometimes too smart for your own good.
You are very sensitive. 
You are a picky eater.
When you were little you would come with me to get my nails done and sit on my lap the whole time.
You have never gotten in trouble in school ever.
You were the most well behaved baby I've ever seen.
You have chubby cheeks and I love them.
You always say you're not tired and then you fall asleep in about 10 seconds.
You are slightly OCD.
You like your room super clean and organized.
You love soda, but we rarely let you have it.
You have braces right now and you get canker sores all the time.
I don't tell you enough how proud I am of you. 
You will always have a special place in my heart because it was me and you against the world when you were first born.
You love your Grandma and Grandpa SO much.
You have the most annoying laugh on the planet, and I love it!
You hate riding the bus, but have yet to give me a reason.
You love Jesus and you're not afraid to stand up for your faith.
You are so sweet and finally starting to get along with Blake better.
You want to play baseball so we're gonna let you play next season once your school schedule slows down.
You are taking high school classes in 7th grade and getting A's in them.
You love your iTouch.
Sometimes I question if you know how much I love you because you seem so grown up, but I hope you know that I would lay down my life for you, I love you so much.

Michael Bruce - 2-10-93
You are 17 years old.
You are a senior in high school this year.
You just got your lerner's permit.
You work at Wendys.
You play an amazing guitar.
You are a fantastic song writer.
You like drama, probably a little too much.
You are very sensitive, which will be a very good quality the older you get.
You don't talk about your feelings as much as I think you should, but then again, you're 17.
You want to make movies when you grow up.
You love the show Chuck.
You like to do normal teenage stuff like sleep, eat, be lazy :)
You have been trying to be more patient with Ella, but she still yells at you most of the time.
You like skinny jeans and Toms.
You have really grown up this past couple of years and we couldn't be prouder of you.
You drive us absolutely insane most of the time, but I'm pretty sure that's what you're supossed to do at 17.
I love you like you were my own and I hope you know it!

I know that first post was pretty lengthy, but from now on they should be a little shorter hopefully.  I love my kids so much and I question everyday if I'm a good enough mother.  I want them to grow up and be strong adults, able to speak their mind and stand their ground.  I want more for them then I've ever wanted for me.  I want them to feel safe all the time.  I want them to be protected from every evil that exists.  Most of all I want them to know Jesus on a personal level and grow in his Word.  Michael, Spencer, Blake and Ella....I love you guys, more than you'll ever know!!!